(cont'd from previous post)..
4th July, friday, 2014
Even though the blogging medium allows heavily updated posts to be easily scrolled down, but personally I felt too many layers/ concepts were going into the post. almost making it feel like a burgeoning vertical tower, on the teetering edge of collapse. hence, this new post in continuation. And now on with the overtly serpentine descriptions mandatory for a saturnine during saturn retrograde..
Territory during Saturn Retrograde
Remember the story where a wise king donates land as a reward to a greedy person. he is mounted on horseback, and is given a flag to mark his territory. but the condition being he has to return by sundown back to the staring point, to consolidate his gift. but the greed inside the person pushes him, on and on. to cover more and more land and territory. but ultimately he doesn't make it back by sundown. Saturn retrograde is exactly like this. For the Sun ruled, to mount their horses, go forward, and mark AS MUCH territory as possible, and return to base, by 7th july, this year. And for the saturnine person, to cover as much inner backwaters, non-place, non- territory, as possible! Napoleons waterloo was a classic example of this. He was saturnine and should have stayed put. Brooding silently over inner ruminations until retrograde was over.
Reversal of 30th April, thursday, 2009
Today, 4th July, Friday, 2014, on the saturn retrograde graph, represents the reversal of 30th april, thursday, 2009. i had woken up with energy, the earlier day i had visited the Louvre, thoroughly, completely, even though hastily towards the end before closing time. to cover as much solar territory as possible. but after i woke up, i still didn't have any craving to update my journals about Louvre etc, a habit which was prolific with me, then. but on the contrary, now, today, i wake up and over update this and the previous post with overloaded, overtly descriptive, serpentine updates, contemplations, brooding, ruminations etc, etc. The morning has expanded itself in its silence. from the early morning, i'm hacking away at the keyboard. the imbalance of drowning myself in the solar rush of Being, in 2009, is being compensated, recompensed by this excessively descriptive writing of inner landscapes, regression and physical redemption.
BUT, one thing i distinctly remember, that the waking up in that Parisian "Hotel California" of all names, was queasy, uncomfortable. The days had gone by in furtive activity, and now, this sudden empty morning was highly uncomfortable, as a gap from the buzz, high of the Parisian explorations. I couldn't handle to face my own being, inner brooding landscape, the gnawing inside, of the saturnine conscience. Of being in seventh heaven during ultra retro. and that too when my astro guru T.N Sarma had passed away exactly on 13th april, 2009. the nagging, gnawing, conscience of the "tell tale heart", ( my favourite horror tale by Poe) was working away within, in the silence, void, emptiness of the morning interiors of the Hotel California ( of all the possible names in the universe, that too, in Paris!!!).
THEN, the virtual projection of Paris was strong, yet, it couldn't bear the close self examination of self analysis. NOW the regression, inward implosion is weak, vague, but it INVITES the close, and acute self analysis, self examination necessary for saturn retrograde. I'm fully at one with the gravitas, and shunning away the public light as much as possible. refraining from dazzling displays of outward exploration, and forward thinking. an activity reserved to the Sun ruled during this period until 7th July. Trying to plumb as much depths as possible, into the deep recesses of my self. Plumbing the brooding gravitas necessary for this period.
The Parisian hotel bed was silky, luxurious, yet due to ultra retro there was something hollow, synthetic, an indescribable lurking emptiness within. a tell tale sign of hollowness. hiding beneath a subtle layer of instinctive guilt. but now, sprawled on the mattress on my friend drawing room, hacking away at the keyboard, reconstruct scenes from the memories of inner viscera, feels unnervingly real, gnawing, visceral. examining each and every fibre of this viscous mess regurgitated from the innards of my belly. then, 2009, found me in a strange withdrawal from my prolific daily habit of journal writing. And, NOW, a strange relapse, regression into my now bygone habit of journal writing. And also into my philosophical, serpentine brooding meanderings.
truly, the experience of that Parisian morning of 2009, doesn't have a journal entry, but only the testimony and mapping of my memory, my brain. viscera, body, guts as a memory device, instead of the brain. the ooze, viscera, guts by certain sensations within, remember and reconstruct scenarios much clearly and vividly.
Some memories are resurfacing from retro 2012, a year in which i considerably suspended my saturn retrograde observations. i guess, these memories are directly resurfacing from the visceral, gut memory. I had violated saturn retro involuntarily then. to pay a heavy price later. even if we do not note them down, they remain written heavily and irrevocably. I'm like a buffalo now, the vehicle of Shanidev, regurgitating chewed grass from my belly innards. chewing the cud. mulling acutely over long crossed over grounds. the physical experience of this exact emotion seems so satisfying. within. inside your deepest innards. and especially, more so, as I'm using this mechanical, serpentine, roundabout medium for this narrative. chronicling. and the physical posture of doing so, lying on my belly, on this mattress, hacking away at this keyboard, as opposed to strange discomfort, alien strangeness, i found from the texture of that luxurious, silky, european hotel bedsheets. if it wasn't Ultra retro, those silky sheets would have inspired something diametrically opposed to strange alienation. myself being Libran ascendant, with Venus in my ascendant.
4th July, 1:35 pm. As if in magical correspondence, the events are almost automatically reversing themselves with the day of 30th April, 2009. Signified by natural breakouts, contagions, contradictions, breakouts, fallouts, as opposed to the super smooth seamless contradictions of the Parisian Thursday. These are the magical inversions, reversals of Saturnine retrograde. The challenge of this phase is to surrender one's ego. Actually undo, deconstruct one's ego structure. The very Zizekan condition of the double bind, the condition/ possibility of the fast buck, the semi-legal lure is the trap for the con man to conduct his scheme upon you. If we Saturnine people can appropriate this double bind to this phase, using the adage "Heads you can't win, tails you Lose". Initiating Self surrender to double negativity is the only way to address this complex Ultra retro phase of Saturn retrograde. The Titanic of our heart has to collide with the iceberg on schedule, and voluntarily sink. We have to voluntarily submit to scheduled defeat, retraction, retreat during this phase. Create scheduled disappointment, a sinking of the heart, so that we may transcend our karmic horrors and the trap of our super ego. Super ego, is the parental voice of authority within ourselves, which criticises and belittles us constantly, from moving out of the cocoon of our personal entrapment. And, experiencing Gravitas/ sinking of the heart during Saturn Retrograde, is the ONLY way to transcend the entrapment of this personal Super Ego! This is the hardest pill to digest during this acute phase. The experience of Gravitas.
Ego, Super ego, Id during Saturn Retrograde
After discussion with friend Kaushik Bhaumik about the triad of the psychological self, and comparing with my astrological observations, I could conclude that there is an important transaction between the psychological components of Ego, Super ego, Id during Saturn Retrograde, especially it's three week Ultra Retro phase. Normally, a healthy Ego lies in the middle balanced between the puritanical, prude, prohibitive, conservative parental authority of the Super ego and the wild, permissive, liberal, indulgent, Dionysian wild child of the Id.
All the Sun ruled people should pamper their wild child, Id as much as possible during this phase. Like young birds being incessantly fed in their nest, continually hungry and ravished. This is very vital for the Solar/ Sun ruled, as this time of spiritual nourishment can later all kind of flights, departures, combative vitality to balance an excessively constrictive Super ego.
Conversely all the Saturn ruled people should explore/ activate their Super Ego as much as possible during this phase. Like a bowstring being pulled back, this pullback of the Dionysian Id by the Super Ego is very vital for the healthy Saturnine personae, as this time of restriction/ pullback/ withdrawal naturally manifests release, relief, resolution, once saturn goes directional.
And this doesn't come easily neither to the Sun or Saturn ruled. The Sun ruled would face all kinds of barricades by the Super ego, to restrict their feeding of the nestling Id. And the Saturn ruled people, the Saturnines, would be tempted by al kinds of Dionysian release, indulgences, orgiastic ruptures. So, both categories should try to understand the speciality of this phase and ACT ACCORDINGLY.
Nightmares and Dreamscapes: The Dis-real and the Unreal of Saturn Retrograde
Today, after completing the earlier paragraph dedicated to Super Ego, etc, I was reading through Zizeks "Metastases of Enjoyment" where one chapter was titled as Default of the Superego. Later, in Chapter 5, titled "David lynch and the Female Depression", Zizek begins talking about the Unreal and the Disreal. My earlier acquaintance with the Unreal v.s the Dis-real was in Roland Barthes book Lovers Discourse, where he talks in detail about this two distinctions. In short, the Unreal can be said to be suspended, virtual reality, a hologram sort of thing, a magical dreamscape etc. And the Disreal can be said to be the Underbelly of things, the dark underside, visceral insides.
In short, all Sun ruled people should try to access the domain of the Unreal during the three week Ultra Retro phase of Saturn retrograde. Try to access your wildest dreams, desires, go for the golden gate, to break into a higher level. And those, Saturnine people like me, it's a karmic period. Where you access the zones of the nightmarish Disreal. The visceral underbelly of things.
This period of Disreality experienced by the Saturnine during Ultra retro has been well described by Zizek in his aforementioned chapter "David Lynch and the Female Depression". Especially in light of a sudden spurt of nightmarish happenings experienced by my wife, all reported today to me over the phone. A/C breakdown, flush crash, increasing arthritis in her knee suddenly accelerating, and other ghoulish events all at once. This phenomenon has two Saturnine reasons. Firstly, obviously, the reversal of the Paris trip during Ultra Retro 2009. Secondly, retrograde Saturn is in my ascendant, Libra, directly aspecting my 7th house of wife/ partner. This retrograde aspect is creating a ghoulish karmic purging, acute Disreality in the 7th house of wife/ partner.
I quote some excerpts from Zizeks chapter...
"What we encounter.. (in disreality).. is simply the body stripped of it's skin. Let us recall the uncaniness , even disgust, we experience when we endeavour to imagine what goes on, just under the surface of a beautiful naked body- muscles, organs, veins..."
In normal times, for the Saturnine, relating to the body/ world implies a suspending of what goes on beneath the surface. During Ultra retro, this suspension is removed, and the Real beneath is exposed, as Zizek puts it.. " the flayed body, the palpitation of the raw skinless flesh'! Ghoulish indeed! and "ghoulish" is a word I'm excessively using during the past few weeks of Ultra retro phase.
The unreality of the Parisian trip, ultra 2009, is being corresponded by a diammetrical opposite Dis reality, this years ultra retro 2014. A peeling away of the surface skin to expose and reveal the ghoulish viscreal, underbelly within our normal life. The ghoulish face of "true" reality that becomes intolerable to bear. Like the Unreality is difficult to embrace, the TRUE Disreality lurking benetah the layers of our daily existence and which is impossible to resist/ negate. So ghoulish is the right word here!
Demonic Inversions
5th July, Saturday. From yesterday noon itself, I've begun to experience the ghoulish Disreal, as mentined in the previous heading. From yesterday, the Paris trip of Ultra retro 2009 must have moved into a heavenly high, and hence this equivalent demonic inversion, in this Ultra Retro 2014. Since some days now, for no apparent reasons, I've been heavily using the word "ghoulish" as a response to various situations. But now, the word "ghoulish" has begun manifesting in my experiences. Usually, it's always the inverse with Saturnines, i.e, repetaedly expressed spoken words, ideas act like a hex, talisman and always reverse themselves, in reality. That's why, saturnines usually use negative words, connotations for positive results. BUT, this is Ultra Retro phase of Saturn Retrograde, where Saturn is severely and acutely reversed, so it's a predominantly Solar period. Hence, words in my mind , my thoughts are actually manifesting. Adding to the already redemptive, purgative process. The word "ghoulish" is easily transmuting into real situations. The evisceration mentioned in the earlier heading has begun. The demonic annual purge has begun with incredible force. And the exact REVERSE for the Sun ruled. To reach out to the most incredible dreams. For the next 24 hrs. In case someone is reading this, do use it. But I DON'T think anyone is!
Disreality, David Lynch and H. P. Lovecraft
5th, July, Saturday. Today's becoming an exact reverse of the corresponding day of Ultra Retro 2009, the highest peak of the Parisian Trip, 1st May, Mayday, 2009. Mayday celebrations in Paris, vast crowds, demonstrations, marches, etc, spontaneous carnivals on the Parisian streets. It was like a resurrection of a revolution. And the women drummers band marching along the streets, unimaginable. And it's reverse today, a ghoulish un-becoming, unravelling of the being. But NOT as entry to nightmare realm, or becoming a nightmare, but rather un-becoming of a dream, a reversal of fortune. Where the nightmarish reality, the raw visceral Dis-real of the truth exists as a precondition of reality, of truth, of our existence. The concept of the Dis-real is that nightmare or chaos as a PRECONDITION of the universe. As an underlying state of ACTUAL ghoulish reality. And ultra retro pulls back this layer of surface skin for all Saturnines, revealing the ghoulish underlying reality beneath. And this profound existential horror stems from this understanding, comprehension of this underlying existential. which is the basic premise of s.f, horror writer, H.P. Lovecraft, who's monstrous alien race Chthulhu exists as the underlying bedrock of humanity, and civilisation. NOT a faraway alien race invading humanity, but an inverse, an ghoulish alien race existing in the very underlying foundation of the human existence.
ASTROLOGICALLY: For me, I identify very strongly with this underlying horror at the roots of existence, as in my birth horoscope Saturn is conjunct with debilitated Ketu in my 9th house of fate, karma, dharma. And Ketu has been a source of a lot of my problems. And more so, as currently retrograde Saturn in my ascendant Libra is directly opposing Ketu located in Aries. As this oppositional, karmic, ghoulish champion of the Disreal Ketu, is also conjunct with my natal Mars + Moon in Aries. Creating ghoulish nightmares from allies, partners, wife, coalitions. But in an involuntary and Karmic way. Why karmic? Because in ultra retro 2009, i succumbed to the temptation and joined wife on the sudden windfall of the Paris trip on her work assignment to Paris. In Saturn retrograde, the highest sin is saying "yes" when you actually, want to say "no".
NEWS FLASH: my friend just announces that today Orkut, the famous social networking site of yore has been officially closed. And I began "Orkutting" exactly on Dec 19th, 2007, when Saturn went Retrograde. And today, in this particular date of acute Retrograde, it's snuffed out of existence. That's what i call Saturnine reversal. And my friends are saying that it died because of overproduction, over demand, from the Indian subcontinent. Just a signage, on this long winding serpentine road of saturn Retrograde.
5th July, saturday, 2014, 12:30 p.m, it's become increasingly stagnant, ghoulish, acutely regressive for me. Check this link:
Saturn-retro-2013-72-paris-reversed-04.html , where in my previous session of Retro 2013, I have narrated the reversal of the Mayday of Paris, in Ultra retro 2013. This time, today, as we approach the moment of the actual carnival, magic, etc, i reflexively, and inversely ooze with fear about the probable nightmarish inversion of that moment. This is powerful karmic saturnine function at work. And the results are physical, manifest, and very very REAL! in fact.. Dis-REAL!!
Noon, 5th, July, Saturday. 1:08pm An exact reverse of the corresponding noon of Ultra Retro 2009, 1st May, Mayday, 2009. Then, from the privacy of our individual spaces we entered the Mayday celebrations in Paris, merged with the flowing vast crowds, demonstrations, marches, etc, carnivals on the Parisian streets. Now, I'm retracting into the void, quiet, the cold dead silence, the still and stagnant backwaters. Now, is the aftermath of the carnival, great fiesta, great gig in the sky! At least, this particular Noon, completely reversing itself in the Ultra Retro, 2014, is giving some actual physical confirmation into the retrograde reversal process. Then, 2009, was an entry into a mass Dionysian revelry, celebration of the child, the Id. And, Now, 2014 is an entry into a cold, stark, parental, cold, domain of the authoritative Superego. It's like a schoolteacher coming into the playground to say, "playtime's over, get back to your classes"!! The fun, carnivalesque, merrymaking of the Dionysian Id is over, get back to the grind, the void, the cold, harsh, void of the real.
Since, three days now the corresponding days of Ultra Retro 2014, has magically reversed themselves with the Parisian Trip of Ultra retro 2009. In discrete increments, levels, installments, layers, and steps. The graph is actually reversing itself step by step, level by level. The contrast of the dead silence of this Noon, with the fun filled, merrymaking of the Mayday noon of Paris, 2009. Streets filled with Unreal amounts of crowds, throbbing, demonstrating, pulsating, merrymaking, sounds of protest, dialogues, slogans over microphone, revellers, performers, musicians, etc etc. And now, in contrast the cold, harsh, surgical silence of Hod. The sharp, cold qualities usually and wrongly associated with Saturn. For us Saturn ruled, no other wholesome, warmer, benevolent, and loving God than Shanidev. And, no other harsher time than saturn retrograde, a time of withdrawn/ inverted/ reversed saturnine energies. A time when we experience the cold harsh authoritative silence of the Superego. What Zizek calls.. " A Voice that Skins the Body". A silence, sharp, eviscirating surgical sharpness of the cold, hard, parental, judgmental Superego. Ghoulish! Ghoulish! Fuck you Superego! This is my appropriate Saturnine sacrifice in Ultra Retro 2014, to loosen your stranglehold, to loosen your suffocating knot upon my neck!! Jai Shanidev! Hence, this voluntary and strategic experience of the Superego during this acute period of Ultra retro.
Zizek, writes about this in David Lynch's depiction of the Disreal, the Superego in his films... "
How, then, does Lynch perturb our most elementary phenomenological relationship to the bodily surface? By means of voice, of a word that "kills", breaking through the skin surface to cut directly into raw flesh- in short, by means of a word whose status is that of the Real.." This kind of sharp, surgical, eviscerating, voice/ blade/ medium definitely sounds Plutonine, Martian, Sun like, Ketu like, as they are the pitta planets of sharp and harsh surgery. Most of my killing voice comes from someone who has Pluto in the 3rd house of Virgo, expression, and ruled by Mercury, communication, voice, expression. This correlates with my own Sun Pluto Mercury Uranus in Virgo in the 12th house, as a harsh, nightmarish, karmic debt that I owe to this cosmic killing voice. By listening to this killing eviscerating voice of the Disreal, of the cold harsh judgmental Superego, I clear my own Karmas of the 12th house, by the excessive crowd of Pluto, Sun, Mercury, Uranus in Virgo, my 12th house of Karmic debts. Especially by listening and experiencing it in this super karmic, and highly purgative Ultra saturn retro phase.
What happened by my (in)-voluntary violations of Ultra retro 2009 and 2012? I violated the most acute period of purgation and hence once Saturn went directional, created long durations of repetitive monsters over a prolonged period of time. Over the most period of the entire remaining year. I (in)-voluntarily spawned demonic apparitions, what Zizek describes as.. "
instead of the usual self- transparency, and self presence, the (karmic) voice, we get the obscene, cruel, super-egotistical, incomprehensible, impenetrable, traumatic dimension of the Voice, which functions as a kind of (ghoulish, monstrous, alien) foreign body perturbing the balance of our lives!!" Being Libran ascendant, i can totally and completely understand this horrific "imbalance".
Since childhood, I have experienced this cold, authoritarian, disciplinarian, harsh, surgical, critical, demeaning, slicing voice of this Superego. The manifestation of the severely karmic Sun+ Pluto+ Mercury+ Uranus in my 12th house of Virgo!! This eviscerating and killing Voice.
